you could at least be polite about it [or, 10 reasons we’re all surprised I’m getting my master’s in Divinity*].

number one.

Because I’m often caught talking about these things over a melting gin & tonic that I have ordered very specifically, maybe even on a smoky patio.

number two.

Because unless you’re a grandma or a six-year-old, chances are, my speech might be a little more colorful than you might expect from someone getting ready to study The Lord for the next three years. Lots of neon yellow, with the more than occasional streak of electric purples.

 number three.

Because I have lady parts.

number four.

Because if you’ve ever watched me try to cook bacon for the first time or to use a bottle opener or file my taxes or look for one of the six pairs of shoes split between my beside and my car, you might seriously question my Bachelor’s degree. Also, I use words like “totes” and “presh” on a semi-regular basis, even though I majored in books. I try not to hate myself for it. [I will however, tackle you to the ground and beat you with an Elements of Style. Don’t %*@# with that Oxford Comma. Or “less” and “fewer.”]

 number five.

Because as a kid I spent a lot more time waiting on God to give us an audible message because a pigeon/dove flew into our classroom window rather than doing Sword Drills. If you told me Hezekiah 3:17 was your memory verse for the week, I would spend a good bit of time blushing my way through the latter bit of the Old Testament that still baffles me.

number six.

Because I put aside my CCM ages ago, though there are still traces on my computer. [“CCM,” stands for Contemporary Christian Music, you heathen.] Instead, insert a bunch of bands too obscure to name whose lyrics communicate doubt, fear, anger, but also beauty. Plus Kanye and Childish Gambino. [It gets worse–I have no astute theological argument for why I keep those two around. They are just freaking talented. I know, I know, my inner feminist {mostly} hates it, too.]

 number seven.

Because I’m pretty into bright red lipstick. And that gets pretty distracting when you are preaching the Word of the Lord. Especially because there’s a good chance that lipstick is on my teeth. [Also, my favorite eyeshadow of all time is named “Jezebel.” But I may or may not still feel guilty about that.]

 number eight.

Because if you ask me about ‘my denomination,’ you will get a lot of stammering that includes words like “tambourine,” “Buddhist,” “prophecy,” “hipster,” “rote,” “sacramentality,” and “Baptism(s)” in positive, negative, and conflating ways–instead of a real answer.

 number nine.

Because I haven’t heard of most living theologians. Or really, any from the past several centuries. [I’m mostly into the really really dead ones.]

number ten.

Because I sleep through/forget as many “quiet times” as I don’t. Also, I refuse to call it “quiet time,” because that sounds like I’ve been sent to the corner with Jesus.

*bonus*

Because if you ask me why I am going to Divinity School, you will get another long, slightly confused, and rambling answer (see #8). But I will say something to you about a love for the Creator, a curiosity about the Son, and a prompting of the Holy Spirit, plus a love for the Church, even when I don’t feel any of these things. Plus you’ll hear some other stuff about justice, sacramentality [again, I know, I’m sorry], and stories of Redemption. And stuff I don’t even know about yet.

Maybe if you stick around, you’ll be less surprised.

*or “Divinity School/Seminary/studying theology,” depending on my phrasing of the day.

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20 thoughts on “you could at least be polite about it [or, 10 reasons we’re all surprised I’m getting my master’s in Divinity*].

  1. I totes can’t wait. You are Presh. Promise you will always stay my little baby dinosaur…even while being a big kid. Man you are great, I love you kiddo!

  2. This list is amazing and I’m sure you’re going to be an awesome MDiv.

    P.S. I apparently cannot read the phrase “the Word of the Lord” anymore without reflexively responding “Thanks be to God.”

    • haha, #liturgicalproblems. I had the same problem with one of my last college papers. Every time I typed “therefore,” I filled in: “with angels and archangels and all the company of heaven…”

      thanks for dropping in, Connor!

  3. Found your blog through following Preston on Twitter and I will let you in on a secret while some may be surprised at your choice, you don’t sound a whole lot different than myself or my fellow female MDiv’ers (or MDiva’s as we joke) and truthfully colourful language, a true sense of self (ie. awesome lipstick) and some “adult” beverages will be necessary to get you through the process without losing your sh*t. Sounds like you’ve got all the necessary characteristics to do amazing.

  4. Number three is bollocks. So, I guess you can mark me down for number two as well. And number six, because all I listen to now is classic rock.

    As for number four, assuming you are advocating the use of the Oxford Comma, Nehemiah 13:25a. If you are advocating against its use, then you absolutely should be sent to the corner with Jesus.

  5. “I refuse to call it “quiet time,” because that sounds like I’ve been sent to the corner with Jesus.”
    I so love this ^^! I finally have an explanation for why that description never worked for me! Plus, my moaning, whining and begging are not terribly quiet anyway. Ha!
    Susie

  6. Pingback: a small reflection & a small request [on my 23rd birthday.] | stuff antonia says.

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