so great a cloud of witnesses [at Deeper Church].

The sparkling circles of the heavenly host. by Gustave Doré. engraving, 1868

The sparkling circles of the heavenly host. by Gustave Doré. engraving, 1868

I say shit about three times on my walk to morning Eucharist on the morning of the Feast of All Saints. We’ve changed the time, the buses aren’t running yet, and I bewail the short legs my father gave me. I am only going to get there as fast as they can carry me, my limitations pounding the cement one step at a time.

can’tkeepup.whycan’tiwalkfaster.whycan’tipraylonger.whycan’tipray.whycan’tihear.whycan’tispeakup.whyamitooloud.whyhaveinotsoldmypossessions.whyamithinkingalwaysofmyself

I am a good bit late, finding my seat next to a man in a suit during the Old Testament reading. My breath is ragged, heart a little ragged, too. But I am proud that I know the service well enough to not need the paper program I missed on the way in. I know when to say, “we lift them [our hearts] up to the Lord,” my evangelical hand rebelliously lifting up, too. I know when to bend 45 degrees, when to cross myself. My, I’ve got it down.

But we get to the confession of sin, and I realize quickly that the form has changed for the feast day. I am kneeling, face hot, wondering if man-in-suit is judging me for not confessing. And I have so much to confess.

Join me for the rest over at a Deeper Church today? Click here!

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4 thoughts on “so great a cloud of witnesses [at Deeper Church].

  1. I just found you through Rachel Held Evans’ blog linking to Deeper Story. This was a beautiful, beautiful post. My grandfather died at 11am on a Sunday morning. I got the call right before worship and when we took communion that morning, I knew as I’d never known before that all the saints were with us, and we were feasting in the realm of divine love. Thanks for being vulnerable and sharing your story.

    I will be starting the MDiv at Duke next year, perhaps I will run into you there!

    • ‘feasting in the realm of divine love.’ yes, this. thank you for tying in communion and Communion, Katie. so perfect. thanks for your kind words here.

      excited to meet you when you make your way to Durham! shoot me an email if you have any questions about first year or anything like that! happy to help. peace be with you.

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